Sexual addiction is often characterized as a problem that involves any type of uncontrollable sexual activity that is secretive, shaming or abusive. Addicts report that after they engage in these behaviors they often feel distressed and full of despair. Denial causes the sex addict to ignore or minimize the problem, justify and/or rationalize the consequences, and/or blame others. Often early childhood trauma lies at the root of the problem
We believe that the solution to sex addiction must include counseling.
Why? Because the real problem is not the addiction to sex . Rather, sex addiction was a false "solution" that eventually became a problem. The real problem is past unresolved emotional trauma that continues to cause problems and pain in the addicts life. In order to cope and deal with the pain caused by past trauma, the sex addict has "turned off" his real emotions because those emotions are too overwhelming. He uses the sex as a way to suppress and medicate the past emotional abuse and the memories associated with the abuse. Often, the sex addict can't see how his family system that he grew up with was destructive or abusive. A specialized trained sex addiction counselor can slowly guide you through what can be a painful and bewildering process.
Counseling addresses the root cause of sex addiction, which is unresolved emotional trauma that kept you from connecting with other people. And it is this trauma that needs to be healed in order for you to regain your freedom from sex addiction. Our counseling focuses on helping you learn how to cope with life and relationships without fleeing into the imaginary world of sex. By healing your emotional wounds and acknowledging your needs, you will re-learn to tell fact from fiction and will never be tricked into accepting false love again.
You and your sex addiction counselor willl work together to clearly define a relapse prevention plan, which leads many to experience sexual abstinence for the first time in their lives. By the end of 30 days on this plan, people often report a sense of well being, relief from lying, leading double lives, a restored sense of dignity, and hope for a future free of sexually compulsive behaviors. We also strongly recommend Group therapy in addition to individual counseling work.
Finding a therapist who is knowledgeable about sexual addiction is critical. Because of the relative newness of the field, locating an informed counselor may be difficult. A counselor trained in sex addiction is the ideal choice, but unfortunately, such professionals are quite rare. Look first for a counselor who understands sexual addiction. Someone who doesn't understand sexual addiction can do more harm than good.
It's wise to interview the therapist to see if she/he seems to be an appropriate choice. Here are some suggested questions to ask:
- Are you trained in treating addictions and/or sexual addiction?
- Are you a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT)?
- Have you heard of Dr. Patrick Carnes?
- Do you recommend the 12 Step program of recovery?
- Do you work from a trauma-based model in treating addictions?
- How many sexually addicted clients have you treated?
- What's your definition of sexual sobriety?
- What's your experience in helping spouses/partners of sex addicts?
- What about couples? How do you work with them?
- Does your counseling center have sex addiction counseling groups or spouses counseling group?
If married, nearly all wives of sex addicts are traumatized by the lies, deceptions, and-out-of-bounds sex behavior, and need treatment, too. The wife's wounding has to be addressed as well as have both parties participate in marital therapy. We nearly always attempt to have the wife join with the husband in our therapy sessions. This usually predicts a successful outcome if both stay in the healing program. This program works best if both parties stay with it.
Our counselors create a safe environment that is confidential and allows you to feel comfortable talking about your struggle to free yourself from porn. Our counselors believe that the keys to recovery include education, trauma resolution, connecting to other recovering porn addicts, accountability, and learning to establish balance in all areas of your life. Our treatment plan has three phases that our counselors use to help the porn addict recover and are as followed:
Phase 1 Treatment
• Weekly Individual Therapy
• Assessment and Treatment Plan
• Psychoeducation of Sexual Addiction
• Weekly Sex Addiction Counseling Group
• Facing the Shadow workbook
• Recovery and Relapse Prevention Plan
• Address health and legal issues
Phase II Treatment
• Attend 12-Step SA Group
• Agree on abstinence definition
• Work Recovery Plan
• 3- 6 month period of abstinence
• Group Counseling Work Presentations
Phase III Treatment
• Complete step 1 of 12-steps
• Developmental & Family-of-origin issues
• Experientially process past trauma and shame
• Multiple addiction assessment (Drugs, Alcohol, Work, etc.)
• Partner and family involvement
• Spiritual Issues
• Career Issues
The good news is that it will take less time to resolve the problem of sex addiction than it took to create it. Still, commitment to the process of healing from sex addiction is required. Without commitment results may be temporary and a relapse into the life of obsession with porn is very likely. Your commitment to the process of healing from sex addiction will be rewarded by the continually lessening urge to act out. It will become easier and easier to find other ways to deal with the stresses of life.
Recovery requires the addict to get into a regular pattern of tough recovery work. The addict is fighting to change many, many years of conditioning. Recovery will not occur overnight or even over a couple of weeks. Sex addiction recovery is a marathon, not a sprint! Get ready to work!
If you are wanting help, our counselor center provides individual, group, couples, and family counseling for sexual addiction. There are two ways to setup an appointment with one of our counselors: 1) Fill out the Contact Form and a counselor will call you with 24-hours; 2) Call our offices at 303-933-5800.
We want to help you begin your journey of recovery today!